Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Randomize
