I got chris browned last night
Ambien. No doubt about it.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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