what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
