I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
