Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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