Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
