I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
