We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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