Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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