why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
there was a trapeze. enough said
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Randomize
