Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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