i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
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