We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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