I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I met the friendliest cop last night
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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