I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My feet surprised me
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
