forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
