I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize