Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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