I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize