Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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