Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We had sex on a dog bed..
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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