Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
