I just pynch a tree in the face
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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