oh god the rape fog is back!
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
