Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
