woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Randomize