I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
The best revenge is premature balding
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Randomize
