So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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