It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
