I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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