My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
