I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize