Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
