shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
