I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
