you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize