I'm so fucking centered right now
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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