You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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