just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
