if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
