she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
