My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
