the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
