I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
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