You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
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