people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Randomize
