Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize