I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
NoShamevember. You game?
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
