no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
