The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
