i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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