dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Randomize
