the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
