she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize