So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
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