it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize