I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
