so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
