We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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