Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Randomize
