I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
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