i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Randomize
