Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
