Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
