Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I just found a bag of teeth...
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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