she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize