you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
