At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
