Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize