life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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