i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
