so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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