the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
