i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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