I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
