Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
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