I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
