I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
