im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Randomize
