On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
