i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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