my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
