I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
