I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
