That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
