Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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