Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
