So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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