you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Randomize
