Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Randomize
