I'm really into asian looking animals
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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