I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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