The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
