Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
